I have written a great deal about the negative thoughts that are so easy to get caught up in when you live with chronic pain. I have covered topics such as rumination, self-talk, “negative fortune telling“, and anger. People with chronic pain sometimes report having persistent, distressing thoughts such as:
- My life is over now
- My pain will never go away
- I'll never be happy again
- My family is sick of me and my pain
- I have lost all of my friends
- I am nobody now
- I'll never be useful again
- My partner will leave me
I have been thinking a lot about the emotional and psychological burden of those thoughts – whirling around in your head, chipping away at hope, pounding you down… It is easy to get carried away by such thoughts and to believe that they are the only thoughts possible, that there is no hope for anything else, that is there no room for change. Not surprisingly, such thoughts can trigger depression or make depression worse. Depression makes coping with chronic and/or severe pain even more difficult.
Let yourself breathe
You are in charge of your thoughts. Give yourself a break from thoughts that are distressing, frightening, or frustrating. Allow yourself freedom from them. Let yourself breathe. No matter what your situation is, you won't benefit by allowing negative thoughts free reign. How can you liberate yourself from distressing thoughts?
Don't try to push them away – trying not to think about something rarely works. Here are some ideas that may be helpful to you:
First, remind yourself that negative, upsetting thoughts won't fix your situation. Problem-solving and planning are helpful. Excessive worry and rumination are not. Watch for changes in your mood as a signal that you may be thinking thoughts that are upsetting and not productive. Try a few of these ideas:
- Meditate or relax a few times a week or everyday if possible. This will train your mind and body to relax and to let go of upsetting images and thoughts
- Select a “worry free time zone” each day. If this is very difficult for you, that is okay. Start with 5 minutes a day and build up. During this time, if negative thoughts come into your mind, simply notice them and let them drift away. Turn your attention to something else. With practice, it will become easier.
- Get some exercise and focus on what you are doing rather than what you are thinking.
- Keep a journal. Once a day, spend no more than 5 minutes writing about the things that worry you. Once you have written it down, let it go.
- Practice slow, deep breathing. When you breathe in, imagine you are collecting your negative thoughts. When you exhale, let them go. The more you do this, the better you will become at letting negative thoughts go.
About the Author. Dr. Linda Ruehlman is a social/health psychologist and researcher, co-founder of Goalistics, and Director of the Chronic Pain Management Program, an interactive site that helps people with chronic pain to manage their pain and live richer, more effective lives.
DISCLAIMER: This blog is provided as an educational and informational resource only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional psychological or medical advice.
A couple of years ago, I was able to participate in a pain management clinic run by a large teaching hospital. I was surprised to learn how effective intentional relaxation was in managing my pain.
Intentional relaxation isn’t just “kicking back” for a while. It’s learning a variety of techniques that help ease the tension in your body and mind. I see it as a more engaged way to release tension than that of meditation. In my experience to date, meditation stirs up more tension in me rather than less.
Practicing the intentional relaxation techniques in the clinic every day helped me discover that my body really could let go of its tension for brief periods of time, despite the fact that the pain never really went away. The best part was that the relief carried over for a while after my intentional relaxation session ended.
For me, having a pre-recorded script to listen to was the most effective technique we learned. Having a pleasant voice walk me through the steps to relaxing my body allowed me to just follow the directions rather than having to think about what the steps are, what order they should be in, etc. There are a number of commercially-produced CDs and tapes available with recorded scripts that talk the listener through relaxation techniques. I’ve found some used on Amazon for just a few dollars.
Our local library system has a few as well that I borrowed for free. The reference librarian located relaxation CDs in other library systems and did an interlibrary loan to have them available for me to use for three weeks (for a very small fee).
For most of us Type A personalities, intentional relaxation may be one of the hardest things we’ll ever do. But it’s SO worth learning because it does provide some relief from the constant company of pain.
Thanks Donna! Yes, relaxation can be very beneficial. I think it can be very helpful to try different techniques/voices until you find one that really works for you.
Thanks for your information on relaxation!!! One of my problems is that I do not take the time to relax. I find that if I keep going on my feet all day, I forget about the pain in my body until I am ready to fall on my face!!! I know that this is not good and my doctors have told me that I need to rest in the p.m.
I guess that I am soooo used to being active that I do not know how to relax. I also feel anxious now that I am not working and feel that I have to clean all of the time. I know that this is a guilt feeling and I wish I could get rid of it!!!
Is there anyone out there that feels the same???
Patricia
I think a lot of people feel the same way with respect to taking the time to relax. A good way to introduce any new habit is to start slow. Schedule a 5-minute relaxation twice a week. At first, just ask yourself to show up with few expectations. Afterwards, ask yourself what you liked about it. When you are ready, increase the time or the frequency. Small increases are generally best. It sounds like you could benefit from exploring ways to spend your time (other than cleaning). I have a number of blog posts that may be useful to you. Check out Restoring Hope.
Anyone else have thoughts?