Your chronic pain problem may have knocked you off course. Your personal, vocational, and social goals may have been derailed. You may feel as though you are simply stuck, unable to go forward and incapable of going back to your old life. Sometimes it may feel like living with pain takes all of your energy and motivation. You may feel depressed and hopeless. But, it is possible to find a new path and get back on track. Your direction may be changed and your pace may be slower. Even if you have severe pain, you can still move forward in life. Having and pursuing goals will help you to cope with your pain and reduce feelings of fear and depression.
Planning is the key. To help you get started, I have listed some areas in which people often have goals. Look at each area and think about what you want to start working on.
- Social activities
- Work
- Relationship with spouse/significant other
- Sex
- Parenting
- Family activities
- Intimacy
- Exercise
- Hobbies
- Spirituality
- Leisure
- Reading/Learning/Personal growth
- Appearance
- Volunteer work
- Eating habits/nutrition
- Relaxation
Start small and be specific. People often feel frustrated and let down when they set vague or general goals. For example, you will feel more satisfied and be more likely to succeed if your goal is to “to schedule at least one day-time social activity and one week-end social activity per week so that I will feel more connected to people; I will begin by scheduling easy, brief activities of no longer than 30 minutes” than if you just tell yourself “I am going to start spending more time with people”.
What are the tasks that are part of working on your goal?buy an essay paper
g> Do you have to buy a book, get some advice, buy some shoes, invite a friend? Take time now to list out as many of the details that you can think of that are part of working on your goal. Show your list to a friend or relative and ask for their input.
Use your calendar. A plan requires who, what, when, for how long, and where. Put all of the activities, tasks, and details on your calendar. If you use an electronic calendar, send yourself a reminder the day before and the day of your activity.
Monitor your progress. Check in with yourself and your calendar at the end of each day. Did you complete your tasks? If so, what helped you to do so? Write it down. If not, what got in the way? Write that down too. Use your progress notes to help you to identify what helps you to pursue your goal and what interferes. If you are a member of the Chronic Pain Management Program, schedule your tasks, send reminders, and track your progress on the Navigator.
Don't give up. If you are out of practice when it comes to selecting and working on goals, that's okay. You can begin again and even find new paths to follow. Pain doesn't have to take away your ability to pursue goals. And remember that a goal doesn't have to be grand in order to be meaningful. You can take pleasure and pride in working towards small, manageable goals. They matter and they make a difference.
About the Author. Dr. Linda Ruehlman is a social/health psychologist and researcher, co-founder of Goalistics, and director of the Chronic Pain Management Program, an interactive site that helps people with chronic pain to manage their pain and live richer, more effective lives as well as Think Clearly about Depression, a self-management program for depression.
DISCLAIMER: This blog is provided as an educational and informational resource only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional psychological or medical advice.
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Thank you for all your continued encouragement and helpful insights .Living a life of pain often demolishes any sense of future hopes or daily motivation. Keep up the good work.
Thanks Pat. It makes me feel good to know that I am helping a bit!
I’m happy to read your blog. I’m so alone in a full house. I’m in my 20th year of chronic pain. 7th of pain clinic . I have little mobility. But every point above is spot on . So much so I’m crying . Where did my life go ? Who am I ? I want to be , wife , mother , church goer , lover , friend etc. I’m just lost . Thank you for at least a start . I will attemp to find me in all this wreckage that is my life .
Renee,
You can find a new path! Starting can be hard, but it means so much to take the first steps. You can move forward.
Best wishes,
Linda
Linda,
I just wanted to let you know that I think this Website ROCKS!:)
I have gotten so much encouragement and good advice from your
program, and have reccomended it to many people living with pain.
I used to be a part of a Support Group for people living with Chronic Pain, but since I moved here to Virginia, I have been unable to find such a group.
I really miss “my people”, and your website helps me bridge that gap.
Thank you so much.
Sharon
Sharon,
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It makes me feel good to know that I am making even a small difference. I hope you will find some local people to offer support as well.
Best,
Linda
After reading this I still wonder : can it really be done.I am going on my 4th year of fully knowing that I have this.I read things and feel ok I can do this. Then I try and after a few days things are back to where I started.Today the pain has been really unbearable.It’s 3:30am here now and I am awake hurting trying to put my mind on something else but that really isnt working. I know I need help I know this isnt me. What I dont know is where do I go from here.I plan to try something that I have not done in ages(what i am not sure).But thank for the encouragement and please continue.Maybe if you dont give up I wont.
I am sorry you are struggling! But, don’t give up. You may need to learn to pace yourself a bit more. I have written a few posts on pacing. Take a look at http://goalistics.com/2012/04/living-pain-start-pacing-yourself/. You might also benefit from seeing a physical therapist. He or she can help you to build up strength and learn how to do things safely.
Best wishes,
Linda
Linda, thank you for this site. I have just started to accept that I have fibro and finally after much research on my own am taking meds that work, mostly. But winter is coming and I hurt. It’s all I can do to take a shower once a week. I was a college English professor but had to quit eight years ago, and my now 31-year-old son does not respect me as a result. Only recently did my husband realize what has happened to me and that I did not suddenly become lazy. I didn’t want to work full-time when my son was at home but I did. Now I wish so much that I could teach just one class, but I can’t. Most people think I’m pampered or lazy, but we have run through a frightening amount of our retirement money because of this. There is the pain and there is so much more.
Hello Marla,
I am sorry for all that you have gone through. It sounds like it has been a very tough road. Acceptance is an important step in moving forward, in finding your new path, and in figuring out how to move down it. With your husband’s new understanding of your situation, he can be helpful in many ways, including problem solving to help you build a life that is meaningful. I wish you the best.
Linda